Chemistry Final
Introductory Chemistry at Duke University has been taught for about a
zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is
semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry." He has been around forever, so
I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were
taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the
midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid
A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the
weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday),
they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there.
So they did this and had a great time. However, with
their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't
make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the
final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and
explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went
up to UVa for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to
study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a
spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting
back to campus.
Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could
make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and
relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the
time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and
handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, which was something
simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they
thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then
turned the page.
They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on
the next page. It said:
(95 points) Which tire?
English Exam
It was the final examination for an introductory
English course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses,
it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in
the class!
The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets
were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any
exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted
and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came
rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the
professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat
and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams,
and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late
student, who continued writing. 1/2 hour later, the last student came up
to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next
class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets
already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's
late." The student looked incredulous and angry.
"Do you know WHO I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the
professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an
air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the
stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of
the room
Psychic Frog
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his
Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful
young girl who will want to know everything about you." he frog is
thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his
Advisor, "in her biology class."
Chicken Testing
The FAA has a device for testing the strength of
windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the
aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air- craft
normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to
survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
The British had recently built a new locomotive that
could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that
its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device
from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the
locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through
the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the
back wall of the engine cab.
They were quite surprised with this result, so they
asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat
the test using a thawed chicken.
